A Christmas to Remember
by violetsnape85
Summary: This is a Christmas fic I decided to write, as the holiday is fast approaching. It is a three chapter Songfic set to songs by Gordon Lightfoot and Joni Mitchell. SSHG Can the magic of Christmas intervene when love has been lost? PLEASE REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1

**River**

Hermione smiled weakly at Ron as her mind just absorbed what he had said. He expected her to agree to _marry_ him? Well everyone expected that, she thought inwardly. How had her life come to this? She loved Ron, sure; but she loved him like she loved Harry. She loved him in that sibling way. The only reason she agreed to go out with Ron was because she needed to be with someone. She needed someone to help her get over _him_.

She thought she was making the right choice in letting him go. His focus belonged with Voldemort, and with the Order. She was just a distraction; a distraction that could get him killed. If truth be told, her heart still belonged to Severus, and she knew it always would.

"Ron, could we talk about this later?" she asked politely, as Molly and Ginny entered the room.

Ron nodded in answer. It was midwinter, and at The Burrow, everyone was getting prepared for the holidays; putting up decorations, singing carols, going Christmas shopping, and baking Christmas cookies and pies. All Hermione wanted to do was bolt.

She was working for the ministry now, and her salary was quite meager, but she hoped she could make enough money to leave once the potion she was working on was ready to be marketed.

It had been four years, but she could not get the image of the hardest man she had ever met in her life standing before her, a single tear sliding down his pale cheek. He had looked so utterly crushed at the thought of another man touching his witch.

Hermione had not actually cheated on Severus, but rather hired an actor to create the ruse that she had. She knew he would not allow her to walk away because of Voldemort, or because of the Order. She had to give him a reason to hate her, and hate her she was certain he did.

As the room filled with singing Weasleys, Hermione's thoughts drifted to the Holidays she used to spend with her parents before they were murdered by Lucius Malfoy. They used to go to Paris, and Hermione immensely enjoyed the snow, and the ambiance the city offered. She remembered her mother holding her hands and helping her to learn to skate upon the ice. Right now she wished she could just skate far away from this place.

_//Its coming on Christmas_

_They're cutting down trees_

_They're putting up reindeer_

_And singing songs of joy and peace_

_Oh I wish I had a river_

_I could skate away on_

_But it don't snow here_

_It stays pretty green_

_I'm going to make a lot of money_

_Then I'm going to quit this crazy scene_

_Oh I wish I had a river_

_I could skate away on_

_I wish I had a river so long_

_I would teach my feet to fly_

_Oh I wish I had a river_

_I could skate away on_

_I made my baby cry//_

Hermione browsed the shelves at Flourish and Blott's with Ginny. Christmas was a little over a week away now, and there was still a lot of shopping to do to prepare for it.

"Mione, you have been staring at that same book for about ten minutes now. What's wrong?"

Hermione looked up at her friend. She hesitated. Ron was Ginny's brother, after all. How could she possibly understand what was going through Hermione's head right now?

"Ron asked me to marry him," she replied softly.

"Oh good gods, what is my brother thinking? You told him no, right?" Ginny said.

Hermione looked at the redhead incredulously.

"Oh, come on Mione! Do you honestly think I am as blind as my brother?" she asked exasperatedly.

"What do you mean?" Hermione asked, a lump growing in her throat.

"Look, we all love Ron, and we want good things for him, but you two could not be more wrong for each other, Hermione. Mum agrees too," she said nonchalantly.

"W-what? Your-your mum?"

"Don't look so surprised. It seems that everyone but Ron can see that you are still in love with Severus," Ginny said casually. "Look, all I am saying is why don't you at least try and contact him? He might miss you too, you know. Marrying my brother could be the biggest mistake of your life. Think about it," she continued, turning to pay for the books she had selected.

Hermione stood there looking after her, bewilderment written all over her face. Could she really just write him? What would she even say? So far as he knew she had just betrayed him.

He had been her first, he had shown her many things. Hermione felt a flush below her belly button as she remembered how tender and loving he was. She had been so scared the first time he took her, but he had whispered softly into her ear, making her feel safe. He had touched her skin so lightly and caressed her so tenderly, her body had begged for more.

She had learned so much from him about life, about sex, and most importantly of all, about love. Hermione smiled inwardly at the memories of their many sexual adventures. He made her feel naughty, he made her feel sexy, and most of all he made her feel special, like she mattered. She had mattered. To him, she was the love of his life.

He hadn't had much to be happy for in his life, but she had made him happy. And she had taken that very happiness from him. How could she have been so selfish? He was a master occlumens, and an equally skilled legilimens. He could have kept their love secret from Voldemort. She did not even give him that choice. Now that Hermione thought about it, she hadn't truly been happy since the last time he held her tightly and told her he loved her.

Maybe she _could_ write him a letter.

_//He tried hard to help me_

_You know, he put me at ease_

_And he loved me so naughty_

_Made me weak in the knees_

_Oh I wish I had a river_

_I could skate away on_

_I'm so hard to handle_

_I'm selfish and I'm sad_

_Now I've gone and lost the best baby_

_That I ever had_

_Oh I wish I had a river_

_I could skate away on_

_I wish I had a river so long_

_I would teach my feet to fly_

_Oh I wish I had a river_

_I made my baby say goodbye//_

Hermione tied the parchment to her owl's leg, and watched as the snow swirled on the windowsill. She could hear the cheery sound of the Weasleys downstairs singing Christmas carols. The Burrow twinkled with lights, and in that instant, Hermione felt more alone than she had ever felt in her life. Her stomach churned at the thought of how Severus might react to her letter. Would he even receive it? And if he did, would he read it? What if he were already involved with someone else? It _had_ been four years, after all. Hermione hugged herself tightly and turned from the window to join the festivities that were going on below her.

_//Its coming on Christmas_

_They're cutting down trees_

_They're putting up reindeer_

_And singing songs of joy and peace_

_I wish I had a river_

_I could skate away on//_


	2. Chapter 2

Severus stared into the flame of the candle burning on his kitchen table. There was only a small bit of wick left in the candle, and the wax had pooled upon the plate. He had lived in this cabin for about a year now. After the fall of Voldemort, he could not make himself stay in wizarding London; not when everything reminded him of_ her_. 

The snow was falling softly outside, and Severus was feeling the solitude consume him, as it had for nearly four years now. Sometimes, on nights like this, he felt as though he could hear her calling out to him. She had made her choice. She chose to be with someone else, and he was not going to stay with her if she could not be happy with him. His life had been spent making enough people miserable without having to add the misery of the one woman he had ever truly loved.

It was hard not to miss Hermione on a regular day, but on a day like this, it was impossible. Even if she were there, sighing in exasperation at him for something or other, he would be happy. All he wanted to do was hold her, feel her delicate frame against his body, her soft hands in his own.

She had made the choice, though, and who was he to try and stop her? He felt that this was perhaps the gods' way of punishing him for the many misdeeds of his life. This pain was worse than death, but he was undeserving of death.

_//The lamp is burning low upon my table top_

_The snow is softly falling_

_The air is still within the silence of my room_

_I hear your voice softly calling_

_If I could only have you near_

_To breathe a sigh or two_

_I would be happy just to hold the hands I love_

_Upon this winter night with you //_

He took a deep drag of his cigarette. He had never been much of a smoker, but he found it could be soothing when he needed something to help him forget about life, about _her._ He watched the wispy curl of the smoke as it drifted in the air before him. The white smoke stood out against the blackness of the air above his head.

He took another swig of his firewhiskey and read the letter yet again. He had been astonished to see the tawny owl tapping on the glass of his cabin. No one had written to him in months. He had certainly not expected a letter now. On second thought, Christmas was fairly close, so perhaps it was just a Christmas card from Minerva. She was virtually the only person to still keep in touch with him.

When he saw Hermione's' familiar pen, he nearly fell off his chair. He read the letter three times before stopping to light a cigarette and fill a tumbler with firewhiskey. He looked desperately between the lines, looked for some sign that she missed him as much as he missed her.

_Severus,_

_I am sure you never want to speak to me again, and I do not blame you if you adhere to that want. I hope you are well, and I wish you still lived in London. It would be nice to see you. I have a lot of things I would like to say to you, and a letter just does not seem to be the appropriate way to say them. If you are ever in London, perhaps we could talk. I miss you._

_Hermione_

She said she missed him, but that could have meant anything. It _had_ been four years after all. She was probably already involved with someone else, and just feeling guilty for her betrayal. He wondered if he should go to London and see her. Would it be too painful? If she was as miserable as he, he would not be closed to taking the risk of seeing her. Could his heart handle it if she was _not_ lonely? If she did _not _still love him? Gods, how he missed the woman.

_//The smoke is rising in the shadows overhead_

_My glass is almost empty_

_I read again between the lines upon each page_

_The words of love you sent me_

_If I could know within my heart_

_That you were lonely too_

_I would be happy just to hold the hands I love_

_Upon this winter night with you //_

Severus looked up as the candle burned out. Light still was beginning to pour into the tiny kitchen. He had been sitting at the table all night. He stood up and stretched, downing the rest of his firewhiskey. He shuffled over to the window and peered out, seeing the snow swirling all around, ice forming what appeared to be webs on the glass pane. He looked over at the now slightly rumpled parchment on the table. Could his fragile heart handle the risk of seeing her again? Could he make himself go back to London after leaving it all behind?

_//The fire is dying now, my lamp is growing dim_

_The shades of night are lifting_

_The morning light steals across my windowpane_

_Where webs of snow are drifting//_

He rubbed his face. Who was he kidding? Even if she turned him away, or was with someone else, how could he pass this chance up? She told him she _wanted_ to see him. Even if all she could offer him was closure, seeing her would be worth it. If he could only breathe in the sweet scent of her hair again, touch her soft skin once more, even just to say goodbye, it would be worth it.

He walked to his study and took out a quill and parchment. His reply was simple, careful not to betray any eagerness or pain.

_Miss Granger,_

_Perhaps I could come to the city soon. I find that like you, I have some things I would like to say. Some_

_things are best said in person, not through owl. I will return to London on Christmas Eve. Perhaps we could_

_meet at the Leaky Cauldron, where I will be staying._

_S. Snape._

Severus tied the parchment to his Raven, Noir. He retreated to his library and took a seat on the leather sofa. He swirled the glass of vermouth as he stared absently into the crackling flames. He wondered how she was doing; if she was happy. He wondered if she was still with the wizard she had betrayed him with.

His heart sank as he remembered finding the letter in her desk drawer. The words still burned him like a searing flame.

_Hermione,_

_Last night was amazing. I never thought I would find such a beautiful, tender witch. I hope we can get together again soon. When will your snarky boyfriend be out of town again? Making love in his bed was very scandalous, and I loved it. Here's something for you to remember…._

_Roger_

There was a memory attached to the letter, and Severus saw a flash of Hermione's brown hair, in his bed, with a blonde haired, well-muscled man, tumbling. He had withdrawn from the memory and gotten sick. He loved her. He thought she loved him. How mistaken he was.

When he confronted her, she had not denied it, but he thought he detected a glimmer of pain, a glimmer of regret in her sorrowful amber eyes. He tried to hold it back, but a tear crept from his eye anyway.

He missed her anyway, betrayal or not. He was still deeply hurt, but that did not change the fact that he loved her. He tried to imagine her soft touch, her petite body. He wished he could go back to a time when she was his, and his alone. Perhaps seeing her again would be a mistake…For a moment he considered not going, but then the prospect of seeing her, whether she missed him or not weighed against it. He would go, even if it was just to say goodbye forever.

_//If I could only have you near_

_To breathe a sigh or two_

_I would be happy just to hold the hands I love_

_Upon this winter night with you_

_And to be once again with with you //_


	3. Chapter 3

**Christmas**

Hermione clutched the letter to her chest tightly. He was coming to London. Her heart pounded wildly in her chest at the prospect of seeing him again. How would he look?

She remembered his hair across her face in the mornings. This once irritated her, but now, she would give anything to have it back. She remembered how his lips tasted, the feel of his hand on her cheek as he kissed her. He was always such a passionate man.

Gods what if he were with someone else? Her eyes filled with tears at the thought. She missed him so terribly.

_//If I could only have you near_

_To breathe a sigh or two_

_I would be happy just to hold the hands I love_

_Upon this winter night with you//_

Severus checked his cabin again, to make sure he had not forgotten to do anything. It had been so long since he had been in London. Severus Snape was not the type of man to get nervous, but he could not help but feel an overwhelming sense of apprehension.

He did not know how he would react if she was still with that wizard. Or worse yet, if she brought him to the Leaky Cauldron with her.

Christmas Eve was but a day away, and that day seemed both distant and far too near at the same time. He stilled himself. He had to do this. He had to see her one last time. Even if it hurt him, he had to go, he had to get some closure, in order to move on with his life.

He breathed a heavy sigh, wishing he could be anywhere but here. He used to skate upon the ice when he was a child. His father had been brutal, but even those days were better than these. He remembered the river he would sneak off to before his Hogwarts days. Ah to be that child again, to skate upon that river again. He wished he could just skate away, far away to a place where pain did not exist. He had endured so much pain in his life.

_//Oh I wish I had a river_

_I could skate away on_

_I wish I had a river so long_

_I would teach my feet to fly_

_Oh I wish I had a river_

_I could skate away on//_

Hermione was jolted from her reverie when she felt someone touch her arm. She looked up to find Ron looking at her, holding out a mug of steaming cocoa. She took the mug gratefully and looked at him expectantly.

"Blimey, 'Mione. Where on earth were you just now? I called your name three times," he said, a look of concern on his face.

"Sorry," she replied. "I was just thinking about my mum and dad."

It was a lie, but Ron did not have to know that.

"Oh." His face fell. He never knew what to say about what happened to Hermione's parents. His were both alive and healthy.

"What is it you needed?" she asked him, curtailing the subject.

"Oh, I was just wanting to know if you had thought about what I asked you," he said, not quite meeting her gaze.

"Oh." Hermione grew uncomfortable. She would much rather have stayed on the previous subject than move to this one. "Well, I think... I think I need a little more time to think about it," she stammered, hoping he wouldn't press the issue.

"Right," Ron replied, looking a little dejected.

"Ron, I'm sorry, I just---I just can't make a decision like that so quickly," she offered.

"No, no, I understand. Take your time. Think about it," he said, plastering on a smile.

He left the room quietly.

Hermione felt awful. Ron loved her, and all she could think about was Severus. It was probably very foolish of her to be thinking of him. A lot could happen in four years. It was possible he was even married by now. She shook off the thought. It was too painful to imagine him married to another woman.

Was she being a hypocrite? Here she was, thinking daggers about any possible wife Severus might have, all the while considering marrying Ron. She stopped the thought. Was she actually considering marrying him though? She wanted to say yes, to be fair, but what was the point of lying to yourself? She drew her knees up in the dark chaise. She wished she could take back what she had done to Severus. If he were willing to take the risk, who was she to have stopped him?

Her stomach soured, and she set the mug on the side table. Would seeing him again be a mistake? Perhaps she should just marry Ron and move on with her life, the way Severus undoubtedly had. But what if he hadn't? That was the hope she held onto. She would go to the Leaky Cauldron tomorrow and meet him, even if the meeting were painful. Gods knew she would deserve it after what she had done to him.

_//If I could know within my heart_

_That you were lonely, too_

_I would be happy just to hold the hands I love_

_Upon this winter night with you//_

Severus tipped back his steaming butterbeer. He decided to stay away from a stiffer drink, like Firewhisky. It would not do to meet her drunk. It was just after eleven. He could not expect her to show up yet, but he could not help the way his eyes floated expectantly to the door every time it opened.

Tom set another butterbeer in front of him. Severus wished he could just melt away into his chair. What was he thinking asking her to meet him on Christmas Eve? She was probably married already, and who was he to take her from her family on Christmas?

He found himself longing once again for the river of his childhood. He paid Tom and silently left the pub. This had been a bad idea after all.

_//I wish I had a river I could skate away on//_

Hermione entered the Leaky Cauldron. She took a seat that had a good view of the entrances to the pub, both from the rooms and from the outside. She wanted to make sure to see him. She wondered when he would show up. And a part of her wondered even _if_ he would.

Tom brought her a steaming mug of tea. She sipped it anxiously. She had been waiting for nearly four hours. He had said three o'clock in his letter, but she had arrived at two. _Perhaps he is just running a little bit late,_ she thought to herself. It could not hurt to wait a little bit longer.

Three hours later, he had still not shown. Hermione decided he wasn't coming, and paid her bill. She walked alone through the snowy street, trudging to the apparation point.

She returned to the Burrow, hoping that the disappointment was not apparent on her face. When she walked into the study, she saw that Ron was sitting on the chaise, looking very somber.

"So _this_ is why you were gone all day?" he asked, holding out Severus' letter.

Hermione's blood ran cold.

"Ron, I--I don't know what to say," she said softly.

"Was he there?"

Hermione shook her head.

"Look, Mione, I need to know where you are. Do you love me?" Ron asked her sincerely.

"I'm sorry, Ron, I-"

Ron held up a hand interrupting her.

"No, Mione. _I'm _sorry. I know he's the love of your life. I guess I just hoped that maybe _I_ could make you happy," Ron said softly. "I think I always saw this coming. Christmas is a time of giving, and I don't want to be the one who makes you unhappy by holding you back. You have suffered enough. If you can find a way to make it work with Snape, I think you should."

Hermione could not believe her ears. She never thought in a million years that Ron would be so understanding. It made her a little sad she had not given him a real chance. How could she have? Her heart was not hers to give him. Her heart still belonged to Severus.

"Thank you," she said softly, and held her arms out to him.

Ron held her closely, and let her cry on his shoulder. He was not going to turn his back on her. She was his best friend, after all.

"I think I would just like to go to bed, now," she said a few moments later, wiping the tears from her cheek.

"Ginny's not in right now, why don't you go ahead and make yourself a bed in her room?" Ron suggested, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"That sounds lovely," she replied, and headed for the stairs.

Hermione climbed into the freshly transfigured bed and stared at the ceiling. She wondered why he hadn't shown. Was it because he actually _was_ with someone else, and felt it would be too awkward? She hoped that wherever he was, he was happy, and safe.

_//I would be happy just to hold the hands I love_

_Upon this winter night with you//_

Severus stood outside the Leaky Cauldron. It was nearly midnight. Surely if Hermione had come to meet him, she had left hours before. He took a deep breath and entered the pub. He could stay here a few more days, he supposed. There was nothing for him in his cabin to be rushing back to, after all. He made his way over to the bar and ordered a Firewhisky.

Just as Tom set his drink in front of him, Severus felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned to find himself face to face with Ginny Weasley.

"Hello, Severus," she said cheerily, although he detected a glimmer of apprehension on her face.

"Miss Weasley," he answered.

She took a seat on the barstool next to him.

He grunted. He was really not in the mood for company right now, particularly the company of a Weasley, of all people.

"Look, I actually did _not_ come here by accident," she said quickly, as if nervous.

"Congratulations on your ability to navigate, Miss Weasley," he snipped.

"You know, some things never change," she snapped back at him.

"Indeed," he retorted, taking another sip of his Firewhisky.

"I don't know what Hermione ever saw in you!" she snapped.

Severus winced at the mention of her name, and took another sip to avoid speaking.

"I don't know why she mopes around after four years, still in love with you, but she does," Ginny said evenly.

Severus steeled himself.

"Miss Weasley, if you understand the situation as thoroughly as you claim to, you will remember that she is the one who chose to be with someone else. She is the one that no longer wanted to be with me," he said coolly.

"You really are thick, you know that? She did _not_ choose to be with someone else," Ginny retorted.

"I saw the letter, Miss Weasley. I saw the memory," he said, growing frustrated.

"You saw what she wanted you to see!"

"What are you talking about?"

"She never cheated on you, Severus. Roger was a paid actor. She wanted you to have a reason to say goodbye to her," Ginny said softly.

"So it is a matter of details, then is it? The point is, she wanted out," he snapped, head swimming with the information Ginny was throwing at him.

"She never wanted to be apart from you! She did it to _protect_ you! She was so afraid that Voldemort was going to find out about her and kill you for it!" Ginny said, practically shouting.

Severus spun on his stool to face the redhead. He grasped her shoulders and looked at her with deep intensity.

"What??" he said incredulously.

"She still loves you, Severus. It's been four years and she can't move on. My brother asked her to marry him, and she won't, because her heart belongs to you. She waited for you here for seven hours today."

Severus could not believe what he was hearing, She still loved him? She had waited for him for seven hours?

"Do you know where she is now?" he asked, trying to keep his excitement in check.

"She is at the Burrow. Get some sleep and come to my house in the morning. All she wants for Christmas is you, anyway," Ginny said.

Severus' heart skipped a beat. Gods how he loved the woman, missed her, wanted to touch her. Suddenly his face fell.

"You said your brother asked her to marry him. Won't he be there, too?"

"Yes, he will be there, Severus, but you needn't worry about him. He knows that she loves you. He told her tonight that if she could make it work with you, then she should try to," Ginny said, smiling.

Severus looked taken aback. Ronald Weasley? Acting like a mature adult? It seemed some things actually _did_ change.

"Just come to the Burrow and see her. You might find that you still love her too," Ginny said, although she knew that he did.

Severus gave her a small smile.

"I will be there, but tell no one," he said, fighting desperately to contain the large grin that was breaking out on his face.

He hadn't smiled in over four years.

Ginny left the pub smiling broadly. Perhaps Hermione would get her Christmas miracle after all.

Severus could not believe the turn of events. He never imagined that she was still in love with him. Perhaps he could have her back after all. He looked at the parcel wrapped in red and gold paper. He hoped that she would like the gift he bought after Ginny left the pub. This Christmas was certainly going to be one to remember.

Ginny walked down the lane to meet Severus. She had Harry's invisibility cloak stashed in her pocket. She had her own present for Hermione this Christmas.

Severus stood at the gate, waiting for Ginny, just as she had asked him to do.

"I'd like to surprise Hermione. Wear this, and follow me," she told him.

Severus waited until the cloak covered his face before he smiled again. This was going to be the best Christmas ever.

Severus stood in a corner, to avoid being inadvertently touched. When Hermione entered the room, his heart skipped several beats. She was as beautiful as he remembered her, but she looked broken. His heart wrenched at the sight her in such a state of sadness. The rest of the Weasleys were already spread around the room, waiting for the festivities to begin. Ginny kept looking at the seemingly empty corner where Severus stood and grinning. He could not help himself, he was grinning too.

Arthur acted the part of Father Christmas, passing gifts around to everyone, and the room was filled with Holiday cheer. After the last present was opened, and Molly was preparing to head to the kitchen to make Christmas breakfast, Ginny spoke up.

"Not so fast, everyone. I have one last, very special gift for Hermione," she said, unable to contain her grin.

Everyone looked at her curiously, even Hermione. There were no other parcels that anyone could see in the room. She walked shakily to Severus' corner and gently pulled back the cloak.

Hermione's eyes filled with tears and the rest of the room gasped in surprise.

"I knew what you _really_ wanted for Christmas this year, and so I got it for you," Ginny said, beaming.

Severus walked over to Hermione and took her hand.

"I have missed you more than you could ever imagine. I am so sorry I did not show up yesterday. I had no idea that you really missed me too," he said, fighting the tear that wanted to creep out for some reason unbeknownst to him.

Hermione's eyes glittered with unshed tears.

"It is my understanding that I still have your heart," he said, looking into her amber eyes.

She nodded , tears spilling onto her cheeks.

"You still have mine, and I don't want to trade back," he said, tipping her chin up so that her eyes were level with his.

She wrapped her arms around him, crushing him in a hug. He kissed the top of her head profusely, willing his own tears to stay in.

Gods forbid a Weasley should see him cry.

He held her for several minutes before speaking again.

"I have a Christmas present of my own to give you," he said, reaching into his cloak.

He withdrew the box and handed it to Hermione. Hermione took it and shakily tore the paper, to reveal a small black velvet box. She nearly dropped it as she pried open the lid. Inside was a diamond solitaire.

"I lost you once, Hermione Granger, and I don't ever want to lose you again. Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" he asked her, voice breaking slightly.

Hermione lunged at him, showering his entire face with kisses, squeezing him as tightly as she could.

"I'm just not me without you," she answered.

Molly sniffled from the doorway. Even Ron could not help but be affected by their love.

Severus bent down and captured her mouth with his as she slipped the ring onto her finger. He kissed her as if he would never kiss her again, which was just as well.

They had four years to make up for.


End file.
